Goodbye to Belief

There is something so extraordinarily unsettling in knowing that you could have said something when you didn't.
There is something so unequivocally sad in the pursuit of a real freedom.
There is a pain in the realization of a truth you have been trying to bury.
Suffocation occurs most by attempt to fill void souls with cotton like beliefs and words.
I am taking your name from the docket.
I am suffering myself no more.
I am severing the one steel silk thread that connected your problem to mine,
Which in all of its strength, really wasn't that difficult to do.
I am okay in recline, and I know this well.
You, at times, say that you're fighting, but for what?
I am the only decay to myself and I know this without having to research the medical terms.
Honestly, this isn't helping matters much.
I don't feel as though I should speak today.
I go on stealing my vices and I certainly pay the price on the dime.
Stop believing in predestination and judges... and suddenly the sky seems so much bigger...
Suddenly the world is filled with so much wonder...
Suddenly you realize that you alone fight or embrace this.
Because you are alone.

I Could Have Continued... and Then There Was You

Though I can't be certain where I should be

I know when I should speak

And keeping quiet until spoken seems a test of endurance

I am taxed on all sides by an equal diversity of thought

When awe and horror collide in such a way

To mix epiphany with frustration

Well, it's something you've never known

Something you really don't have to understand

You haven't the capacity for this as well

So, close your eyes and your ears to the manifestations of all that I have felt as of late

I don't blame you

But it still is rather a lonely bench where I find rest

"Nothing ever happened"

As you so deftly rearrange all of my grief

Coast me to avoid what you and I both know to be real

I could find a kindred spirit

And we could deteriorate together

We could loathe, but allow, the decay of this world

And aid in the demolition of one another

We could feel sorry for ourselves

And plan a selfish escape from all the reasons

That we've been here this long

But I wanted to live, you know

I wanted you

It is much easier said than done

Living the present gentle and ravenous disposition that I have been dealt

These are things that I prayed you would never once have to waste a thought with

So I smile when I answer the telephone

And avoid you when I am forlorn

Suddenly you realize why at times

I won't speak for days

I could find someone who knows my troubles

But those who relate are are the kindred cursed with this

And that is a disaster just itching to happen

I could find another selfworthless someone

A mind as mine in one other distant and present form

And we'd fight by the hour and love when we're done

Just to feel anything but the reality that even together we are alone

And when it all becomes too difficult

We'd end more than our union and give up the ghost

Instead of believing in tomorrow

In ourselves

In true love

But, no... I have come to find

That I wanted to rediscover reason

I have come to find you

And that is reason enough

The Dear Wait (For P. J. B.)

A pane of glass that views the world in return

The cracks that stem from memories of it

And movements that bring out

The broken innocence

An equal force of dark and of light

Crashes at a time in life

When not else matters but to see your face

As patience is key in this

I will stay a planted fruit tree

Stationary on your landscape

And strong in anticipation of your return to me

To care for me

And to reap every benefit that life has provided me

Just to give them back to you...

Beauty in a sense of thinking

Is product of nurture and nature in action

And tiny gestures that have made their way across this vast land

Have had something to do with

A growth in me

Of a lush sense of wonder in seeing the way that your face takes shape

When you laugh

There's no need to worry, fret, or fear

Over fate or the stumbling flukes that led me to you

As patience is the only use of time at this moment

I'll remain as a taken picture

On the wall that looks northeast from all hurt that lies in the past

Framed in the finest circumstances that surround us

And our progress in this

To be kept in the house of your heart that remains

For your certain return

From a hard day of spending the life

Of a man in this world

I will thrive on the thought of composing you into my arms

And the love that I only just have learned is able within me

To gather up the every blessing that time has allowed me to produce

And refine them all

Just to give them back to you...

The Dear wait in a loved existence

For one another again to be within reach

And the Dear Wait is a worthwhile time

In the value of the touch of your hand