Sunday, September 27, 2009

Absolute Terror

With this many different bodies seemingly pressed from all sides upon the claustrophobic limit of space that I can barely hold onto long enough to keep perfectly fearless of my personal monsters, I have been forced to (with an inhuman quickness) compose this absurdly short and irrational stroke of prose poetry before they notice and ask questions and my gates break down long enough for the terror to rush in and I finally lose it.

Thanks for creating that awful feeling in me.

Saturday, September 19, 2009

That Logical Smell...

Though I could easily have chosen the nonsense that flooded my head to pen down this evening
Though I could easily have strewn these words about in an artistically nondescript fashion
Tonight I am past that post and moving steadily on to uncomfortable lands
That lie outside the community of childish thoughts and sour thinking
My person remains as foolish and eccentric as if you had never touched it
But my opinions are well, well guarded since you euthanized the colt of confidence that once kept me from sharing your grounds
My voice is as drained now as the day I gave you the power that you so desperately fought for
My children, my precious little thoughts, watched as you burned and destroyed our happy home
Shortly after I welcomed you in to dry your tears, to warm your bones
And nurse reopened wounds
The unimaginable fears I once had faith would never touch me
Someone else had made it goal to seep as poison into what was once me
I now suck and spit vehemently to rid myself of the things you left me to bleed out on my own time
And that logical smell of dead animals follows my every step
My lips and throat are tired, as you can never imagine
My voice is hoarse with cries for help
If there is one thing you have taught me harshly
It is that we are each and all alone in this
The self I knew is slowly making known
All of its plans and actions
Coughing, sputtering, choking out whispers
Pale and sunken, but alive by all loose terms of the word
She breathes
And I educate her into a positive existence again
Though I, and only I will hold her frail little body in my sights
I forgive the fact that so many of you will never really see her again

Thursday, September 17, 2009


In a not so empty house I recline
Void but for the lounging old dog
Faithful and alive
Inactive but for the thousand-year memories
And the taken task of sifting through the remnants of a family...
... my family...
... that was once so full and thriving and underappreciated and... well, here
But now so desperately longed for
Quiet but for the fathoms-deep conversations I take part in
With the inner most parts of me
Empty but for myself

At these solemn times of the most vulgar realizations of the things I had once and the space that replaced them
Yael's voice echoes and presses me gently, however forcefully, to tears
I open my mouth to sing a different verse
But I involuntarily clammer myself up
Cold hand pressed desperately into cold hand
Curled body to hard floor
For tonight I must give up the battle
And agree with the sole voice passively guarding my thoughts
That I am so lonely
So unashamedly, frighteningly, and irrevocably