All of the Gruesomely Kind and Polite

I say this in the most rigid confidence
And post it for all of the world to retain
That there are things that you, above all others, should know
All of 'You' being the innumerable reasons for my existence
I am still here
Though I am filtered
And the taste, not as pure as it once was
A very good reason
For you not to know me
That is, unless, you already have for a while
I scream at night when I sleep
I march with armies
Whose purpose is to overthrow the lords of my land
Fear and loathing
Astounding architecture
That freckles the nation we, once, all so enjoyed
Imitation remains the highest form of contempt
And reflection, the evil that cannot be tamed
"Oh, when will all of you idiots see what I see?
I AM NOT A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN..."
After years of betrothal to this body
And minutes made waste trying to coexist with this mind
I make attempts to be fully in love, once again
With the flesh that shares my bed and withholds me from escaping it
I work so hard to reach out
To every horrible thing I can see
That might be grasped
When it comes to the partner
I make efforts for no soul to ever know me
For I could never really share
What I wouldn't dare to partake in, myself
What an avoidably miserable stance
So, lover, if you love
Become a killer
A gruesomely handsome murderer of my past
And, your thoughts on building a bond
Turn to demolition
Of the fixed transgressions that I so heavily rely on
If the prop should be splintered
The girl that leans will surely fall
The outcome of the injury being solely dependent on you
Make it a worthwhile bruise
Or let me run without remorse
If the terror in all of this becomes too much
I may simply pop my tiny feet back into my shell
And wait to hear your footsteps' descending volume cease completely