Sunday, June 14, 2009

Every Sad Farewell

The girl that I knew once
The woman who made me
A little more of who I am
Changed in ways
For the better
Even in the things that I learned from her
As she disappeared from my every day
Those every days when I watched her move
When I wondered what she was doing
The times when she was not in sight
She was beautiful in the morning
Sitting outside with her cigarette, or sometimes just the new day's air
An artwork so still and so simple
The appeal lay on her face
Along with the landscape of her contemplations
Where her every emotion
Her every fear
Her every joy
Flowered new blooms and grew into a world
And I, I could only see what the surface of her features allowed me
I wanted only to know more of the place she appeared to be
Every living thing she touched
Responded to her gentleness
Every stoic object
Seemed to do the same
Or to be made more alive my the tracing of her fingers
The way she held her spoon as she stirred her coffee
The lips that seemed to say so much when sitting comfortable against each other
Her eyes have told me a thousand different tales and truths
That I have only begun to understand
Now that she has taken them away indefinitely
She listened to music, and it moved her
The piano seemed to trace outlines of her soul
So now I listen to the music, and it moves me
As I try to grasp on to the remainder of what I knew of her
Little memories start to flood
There are times I pretend long enough to believe
That I have no qualms with the fact that she's gone
There are times when every pretty, sad song makes her come alive in me
When she smiled near me, the world joined in
From person to animal to rock
At least, to me
Though I try to recreate it, it does no good to me
Every word within my grasp doesn't seem to be enough
Every thought of her, as strong as I will it
Cannot manifest her to me again
We had a life, one life
One that I would like to live again
And the fighting, it was all from me
I was ever angry only with me
For the simple fact that I changed her for a moment
From whole to hurting
For the things I think of now that I could have done for her
When I had my whole life to do them
But every present second mattered more
I imagine her days now
With me where I am, in the past
I envision myself as her shadow
Just to watch the artistry of the every way she moves
And the independence that surrounds her in the smallest of way
My favorite piece of music
My delicate, lovely, variable canvas
The most eloquent and stirring verse I've ever had the chance of reading
I know that i was veritable, now
I know everything that it meant to me, now
I know what I would do to turn this world around, now
I know what I love, now
And that it is her
Now that she and it and everything with it
Has said goodbye
Has walked away
Is gone

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