Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Sanitation

Between the things I say to myself
And things that are done
There is a chaos I would never describe
Especially to you
Had I even the words to do it
Really, I wonder
Do things that have never left, will never leave
My locked lips
Have a stronger effect on me
And all of this, that, and you that surround me
How will I ever know if absence makes the heart grow fonder
If I am not here to see it
I have come to determine
That the terms of this condition
Are not he, she, it, or they
But I, me, my
Self
Sanity
What is this aforementioned miracle state that everyone so willingly tosses around with tongues that do not coincide with the brain as much as I would hold appreciation for
Do they not know how painful a lack of truly is
Sanity
What a curious thing that this word would sit so closely to a sibling word
Sanitation
Sanitation of the mind?
Unlearning and re-learning
And the difficult task of stripping the walls bare
What is the recipe for such an abrasive cleanser
What combination of feelings, chemicals, environments
Could make such a barren, free land
Of a landfill that sits now
As I throw this wish of sanitation to the side
I rely solely on a lack of concentration
I hold fast only to the ability to block away all
And close my eyes to what I probably should see
I long only for the calm
That is not within my own power
Regardless of what the others say
And until that learned trait is mastered
I know what does soothe me
And that is any trace of love between our fingertips, you and I
As fleeting or as many as they could be from this time to that
When the only thing that exists is your touch
Your voice
Your face
It is that much more important that I find the affection there
And I pray I never have to look hard
And that you never will towards me
What I speak of
Is that one experience that reminds me of where I am
Something that I can wholly immerse myself in
So much that I cannot see the end result of a thousand other damaging pieces
Littered over years of time
And measured on my face
You clear without effort
And soften without pressure
And knead out all that should not really exist
And probably doesn't
In turn, all I can give is my gratitude
So, thank you
And a vow to myself that one day you will see me new
Clear
Clean
Free
Sanitized
And sane

No comments:

Post a Comment